Is God real? But I can’t see him. How do I know? These were the honest questions my pastor’s 4-year-old has been asking him. I think we continue to ask these even as we grow and mature in our faith. I still sometimes find myself caught between doubting and knowing. Still, I push on. I can look back and see the facts and the God interactions. I stand on fact and walk by faith. (This was a concept I adopted from Beth Moore.)
When I stop I know he’s real. I’ve had too many God-sightings in my life to deny it, but still I am human: I still have to embrace faith in my Faith.
We’ve been working through Philippians in our church this summer. Two verses continue to rumble in my thoughts. “Rejoice in the Lord always....” and “Think on these things....whatever is true etc.”
I have been blessed to have a special Grandma. We have shared a special connection. I would never have predicted our bond when I was a little girl, but it grew and is still there even though most of her memories are gone now. She suffers from dementia.
As the disease took over more and more parts of her mind and personality, I used to hold on to the FACT that she still retained her intimate relationship of knowing Christ. This too has slowly faded, at least to the observers. She used to always pray for me. After each visit, she’d hold my hand and pray a blessing on my life. This faithful closing faded in the last year or so.
Except this last visit, I cried such tears of joy. My throat was tight. My soul was crying with the realization that God is real.
She looked at me and said, “Well, I’d like to pray.” She bowed her head, closed her eyes, and held my hand. It was a short prayer, but it spoke of thankfulness for all of God’s blessings. It spoke of love toward God and toward her children. This prayer summed up her heart of 95 years. She still was in a loving, mutual relationship with God. It was as if Jesus was holding her other hand and sitting on the other side of the table.
Here, all has been taken from her. Even the memories from her life, and still she rejoices in the Lord. Still, she thinks on those things which are true. God love us. He seeks us. He wants good for us. He will make us whole and perfect. His goal: to be in perfect relationship with us.
I am sure he is eager to bring my grandma to him. I am eager for her to be made well again and whole. I know she desires to be in heaven with him and all those waiting for her, yet she waits and continues to rejoice in the deep recesses of her soul even when all we see are the evils of dementia.
I rejoice in this God-sighting. Of this I am glad.