One more month. That’s it. Then it is gone. The first year of baby will be gone...forever. Forever because we are done, done creating new. We are complete. We have our set. This past holiday season was perfect for me, our best yet. I concluded it was because all were present and accounted for. We will now have the same family memories and shared experiences.
But, this is also why I’m beginning to feel a bit on the older side. There is no more new life, babies, ultrasounds, appointments, showers, birth stories, anticipation...unknown. I think having babies kept me young. I know it did. I’ve done extensive research, surveyed all my close friends, and we all agree. The world of babies keeps you feeling young and distracted.
The other day I carted my youngest around Fred Meyer with complete ease and confidence. I was a veteran mom. I loved it. I felt so assured, unlike the first time. I was on edge with my oldest, so afraid he’d cry loudly in the freezer aisle. What if he never stopped? What if people noticed, gave glares. Now, I could care less if the glares come. Plus I realize I am not the center of the grocery store hubbub.
Instead I relished in the comments of, “Oh, he’s so cute. How old is he? What a sweet baby. Look at that smile. He’s a friendly one.” Yep, that’s right, and he’s mine. I love him. But guess what? It is going too fast. Did you know he’s growing up? Before you know it he’ll be three, then four, then in school, then on a sports team, then dating, graduation...leaving me....ah!
Then I will be old. This is what I continue to remind myself. I am, in fact, very young, and if I don’t think this...I will feel decrepit when I hit 40 and 50. Which is actually not old either. (That is a shout out to all my friends in their 40’s and 50’s.)
I have perspective. No worries. And I have hope. My grandmother told me once that her 70’s were her best decade. Awesome. I can’t wait. I’ve loved my last three, and if my 70’s can top these then my husband and I are going to have a blast. I just hope they include another round of baby wonder....in the form of grandchildren that is.
Until then, I will relish these last few days of January, and revel in my son’s first birthday party--the last I shall ever plan.