Preschool is just as much for the child as it is for the mom, and after my oldest's first week of it I’m exhausted. We had to get up and go! I haven’t needed an alarm clock over the past four years. Now I’m going to add one to my Christmas Wish List. I’m sad. These Early Years went too fast. Didn’t I just bring him home from the hospital and have my world rocked? I can close my eyes and touch those first moments, those first doctor visits, those first developmental milestones, those first trips to the park, those first days of mommy wonder....
Now my son is showing signs of not needing me so much. He can dress himself, brush his own teeth, ride his scooter, buckle himself into his booster seat, color in the lines, read simple words, and is showing signs of understanding theological concepts.
When I picked him up from his second day of preschool, all the other kids raced to their mommies and gave them gigantic hugs. My little guy threw on his backpack and raced out the door and into our van. One mom remarked, “Well, he doesn’t need you, does he?”
I sighed, “He’s very independent.”
Yet, there are moments when he stops playing and gazes at me, then declares, “I love you mommy.”
Sometimes he still gets bumps and scrapes and still comes running for my comfort. Sometimes all he needs is a special mommy kiss to make-it-all-better.
Everyone warned it would go fast. Enjoy it. Don’t rush it. And I think I have. I have tried. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing, and I just watch the three of them, the three boys. Just listen. I want to never forget my oldest son’s concept of a Superhero Jesus. I want to remember all the little details of how my 3-year-old runs. His little voice. His obsession with cheetahs. My baby....I want to remember how his little body feels when it falls asleep and relaxes against my chest.
I don’t want these stages to last forever. I just want to fully live them with no regrets.
I think I am doing pretty good at this, and I hope I continue to give myself space to do so as we merge into this next stage: the school years.
(Preschool started near the end of September, so this is a current thought and experience for me.)
2 comments:
How articulate! I feel the exact same way. Our daughter is (if I remember correctly) about the same age as your oldest son, and we are for sure feeling the same crazy span of time. And yes, I totally want to savor it!
(This comment was sent my way. I thought it was worth sharing.)
Again, your writing was theraputic for me. I tried to leave this comment on the blog but couldn't get it to accept my google password. I must not have it right...
My boy of 19, Micah, just moved out (remember the one you tutored when your oldest was just a baby!). I am so grateful that he still relaxes against me when I hug him. But, I remember these days of 3 and 4 years old and wish I could return, sometimes...
Thanks for your writing, for the way it makes me cry sometimes. I needed to process my feelings about Micah leaving and you helped me do that when I haven't allowed myself to yet.
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