I'm learning to hold doubts loosely. I'm learning to accept and rest in my cycles of, "Oh my goodness...I've been had!"
I'm cycling out of one of those times, once again. Each time I question God, seek out Truth, and cycle back around to the mountain of faith....my trust in him increases.
I was afraid to ask for more faith and trust because in me there is this fear that when I do ask, something horrible and bad is going to happen. (This is not scriptural, just a fear of mine.) I found myself fighting the urge to ask for more faith, but then I remembered that God is not a God of fear, so I did it.
Wow, did he answer fast this time. And so far nothing has fallen out of the sky and hit me over the head.
You have all heard people say that Jesus was a good teacher, but not the Son of God. But really, if he wasn't the Son of God he was a total freak and a lunatic. Who would ever walk around and claim to be God...especially someone who knew the scriptures like Jesus did because he was raised in a traditional Jewish home. Basically either he was God or he was a fruit and you can't pick the middle ground of him being a good teacher. AND, how could a man make all of that up with complete genius and consistency. Eventually a man would mess up and be found out, but HE continues to be consistent and a fulfillment of prophecy in his life and message on earth.
I'm currently doing a study on John, and it is fast becoming my favorite gospel. I just like that guy, like his perspective, and love his emphasis on the Word.
Some scriptures that have assisted in my latest cycle are:
John 17:5 And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began. Woe, did you catch that?
"Jesus of Nazareth," they replied. "I am he," Jesus said. (Judas the traitor was standing there with them.) When Jesus said, "I am he," they drew back and fell to the ground.
I am. Remember in Exodus when God declared his name to Moses? That is what Jesus is saying and look....the soldier drew back and fell to the ground. I'd never noticed that before. They must have seen the presence of God, why else would you fall to the ground?
AND, strangely enough a book discussion on The Kite Runner confirmed my faith. I find great confirmation in non-Christian writings from writers who observe TRUTH. (The Truth observed: the power of sin to corrupt and ruin man. We are all capable of evil, not just the Taliban. Our evil can be the evil of silence, non-action, etc. Until we experience forgiveness we will be changed to our sin choices.)
(Note: This was scary to put out there as this is the most open I've been to my unknown readers.)