Friday, May 30, 2014

The Last Bird

My last bird got kicked out of the nest and flew successfully, I think.  Actually he jumped out completely on his own.  He's been watching his older two brothers soar and he's had enough of this waiting around with mama.

I took A to Kindergarten Round Up.  I tried to prep him as much as possible.  He does not like new experiences and learns by watching versus doing.  However, he is the youngest and he's been watching his brothers for the last five years of his life.  I actually think the youngest is going to be the easiest for me.  I probably will be emotional on the first day of school, but more because I know I should and not because I truly am.  I'm been processing the "last time" with A his entire life.  It is his role, and it has worked for us.

I've been asked lately if I still write about my boys.  I respond, "Not so much."  Readers wonder.  And finally I have a good answer.  Because it is less about me and my growing as a person.  They are at an age when the stories are theirs and they should have the right to choose to tell them or not.  I'm passing off their childhood to them and their memories and what they wish to recall and recount someday.  My childhood memories are mine and not an entire internet world.  I get to dictate what gets recounted and remembered, and so this is my gift to them.  I'm giving them their childhood.  They get to be their own writers.

I've been brainstorming possible new blogs. Trying to see where the energy might be at.  I'm feeling the release to return to teaching secondary.  I've kept that love in a box for the past nine years and just recently I've started to dream and plan and that is exciting to me.  I've opened up that career box again and I'm ready.

My mornings of cold coffee are behind me.  No more diaper.  No more doldrums.  Everyone tells you it goes fast and it does and it doesn't.  This was almost a decade of early childhood, that's a long time.  And like my husband said, "Its only good because it didn't last forever."  I agree.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for commenting.  Hopefully you were entertained and encouraged.  Hopefully I was authentic.  If you've just found me, start at the beginning and relive the journey right where you are at.

Becoming a mom was a transformation.  My world was turned about, for the better.  I really did die to myself and sacrifice a ton.  I am realizing more and more what I gave up as I leave this stage behind.  I did gain a lot too, and I'll realize that more and more as time passes.  I'm a better person.  I'm opening myself up to the next stage knowing that my response will continue to be the biggest deciding factor in my joy.


Anonymous said...

I love this. A great final chapter to a great blog.

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