A Sign for Jesus?

I made a somewhat nasty Facebook comment the other day. Well, at least my mother thought it a bit nasty saying, "Shame on you."

I was driving home from my son's preschool and was greeted by a smiling boy, waving at us as we passed....but my eyes were quickly drawn toward the sandwich board on his chest which read, "Evolution is a lie. Trust in Jesus."

I described this on my status updated and then asked if the mother of this son thought that constituted his science homeschool lessons for the day. True, I should have left homsechool comment out and just asked, "What's the point?"

You see, there are these signs cropping up everywhere around here, and they really bug me! There is a large sign near the post office that lists a bunch of "horrible" sins and then lets us all know we are perishing, but if we'd like some help we can call the listed number below. Would you call that number?

There is also a blue truck, an infamous blue truck, who's sides read in blazing, holy white, "Hell is eternal."

There are several other signs that basically breathe fire and brimstone. All of these signs originate from the same little local church. They seems to supply their parishioners were the same, neat lettering for their sign making aspirations.

I just find the whole thing obnoxious, and I hope I'm only upset because I am a Christian, praying that everyone else who does not claim to be a Christ follower are shielded from reading these....that God has placed a blinding angel in front of these modes of persuasion, so that we Christians aren't creating more and more blocks for others seeking a gracious God.

The homeschool line was definitely a jab. But the thing is I know this family homeschools as I've seen them day after day playing in their yard together. They really do seem happy and free, and I love seeing children play together, but the teacher in me knows that there is no way quality educating is going on. Quality questioning. Quality thinking.

I'm always nervous to express my passion for public education. I have a handful of friends and readers who have chosen to homeschool, and so I'm afraid I'll offend by letting my beliefs seep out. And I know that many of them would never claim that having your kid wear a sandwhich board is science class. Note That.

My prayer each day is that I would remember that I'm a miracle, that God's love for me is miraculous grace and no amount of rule keeping makes me more deserving of his love. I continually ask God to fill me with his Spirit so that my life actions are my sandwhich board.

I Did The Unthinkable

If you had asked me ten years ago if I would ever encourage my kids to join Awanas, I would have laughed, "No way."

This might shock some people. Others not. And I still have mixed feelings, but overall I feel at peace about my decision to sign my son up for the Christian version of Boy Scouts.

The thing is, I'm pretty much ignorant when it comes to all things Awanas. I didn't know about the vests and patches, Cubbies, Sparkies, car racing, points, red team etc. I didn't know that I would be spending so much money either. 9 dollars for the book, 10 dollars for the vest, and 15 to cover award costs. This bothers me. It bothers me that I'm giving my child rewards for bringing their Bible, going to church, inviting a guest, and memorizing scripture.

But it bothers me more that without Awanas we weren't really doing any of the above mentioned things. It also bothers me that we have church friends and school friends, but there isn't any faith crossover. We drive a good 30 minutes to get to church, and while we've made great connections there, my son spends most of his time at school where none of his church friends go.

I don't want my son's faith to be segregated. I want him to know that there are other boys and girls in his class that believe that Jesus is real, and that the Truths that Jesus lives/lived matter...mean something.

A little boy in his kindergarten goes to Awanas. They are becoming good friends; I wanted to foster this relationship. So, last week we went.

I was a bit uncomfortable during the scripture memory time, which seemed forced and dry. Here were these little Kinders being forced to sit perfectly still and repeat lines from scripture that they didn't have the foggiest idea what they meant. How could I tell? One little boy had obviously not been working on his memory verse and was guessing on what line to say next. He was inserting all the coined phrases he'd obviously learned in previous weeks, "Christ the son of God? Christ the Lord? Because of Christ? Because Christ saves us?"

The instructor was sweet and very encouraging, but the teacher in me wanted to implement some sign language, motions, and explanation for the phrases this young guy was desperately trying to regurgitate.

Thankfully, this session didn't last long and off the little kids were to story time. This part made me smile. Just a story. That's all. A story from the Bible. Good visuals. Good teacher. Some songs, ones that I remembered singing as a child. I loved it. I loved that the Bible story drove the lesson versus some theme like, "God made families" or "God made things we can smell." This was what I had been looking for.

Then it was off to recreation time. This is when my son gave me a very mean look, "I want you to go home." He'd noticed that no other parents were lurking in the background, so I had to hide myself in a hallway and act like I didn't want to watch my son compete in game and sport.

At the end of the night, there was a winner announced. Yep, all night the kids had been competing in teams and were getting points for behavior, verses, songs, and games. The green team won, not my son's team, but he still felt like a winner because he got some candy for visiting.

We got into the van. "Well, did you like it?"

"Yes, I want to go there again. I want to learn my verse. What is my verse? I know the first part is John 3:16."

He loved it. He's been working on his verse everyday. Not because I'm making him, but because he keeps asking if he can work on it with me. It is the first time he's tried to memorize a scripture. He's very motivated. One evening he was in tears because I wasn't letting him go to Awanas, and his daddy had promised him he could go again.

"Honey, Awanas is once a week. You have to wait. I'm going to let you go, don't worry."

And so we wrote it down on his calendar all the way through the end of the year.

All the things that made my adult cynicism cringe, really connected with my son. And the best thing that connected with him was all the faces he saw there that he also sees every day at school. I kept hearing, "Hey, there's Gunner....there's Alayna....there's Isabelle....there's Austin....." That part made me feel good. There was a connection made, a sense of community. He doesn't feel like he's the only one who knows this man named Jesus. And so I will overlook any cultural bag age this might create in my son because the alternative, to me, is a greater risk to take.

Homeschooling Conclusion: Choice

Ultimately I am glad we have choice, freedom. I am glad each parent is given the right to parent and evaluate and assess. One form does not fit each child in this country. I would never want the homeschooling option to not be an option.

But I also wanted a chance to process and explain my inclination to not chose this for now for my kids.

My oldest starts formal preschool next year. We've been doing "homeschool" preschool this last year, but have decided to send him next year to a local preschool. I thought I'd never do this. I was SO against preschool and saw it as unnecessary. I still sort of do, but Kindergarten is going to be full day, and I felt it would be almost mean to go from no structured classroom experience to full day. We visited, and he loved it. He's so excited. I'm glad. He looked at the cubbies for the students and after reading each name said, "Where is my name?" I explained that he wouldn't get one until I signed him up for the class. His response, "Well, sign me up then!" That makes me more excited and happy for him. So see, I do change my mind. I did about preschool, maybe I will about this public school option.

My mom's been reading these posts and dialoging with me about my desire to go the public school route. She handed me a devotion she read a few mornings ago. Here is the line that supports my beliefs and decision, "Every study confirms that you, the parent, have the greatest influence----greater than friends, school, or media----in determining the character and direction of your child."

I'm glad that is true.

Part Three of Homeschooling: Responses from Other Readers

One reader responds:

Again, I appreciate your thoughts. I agree that for some families/circumstances, homeschooling works very well. Others seem to make the choice out of fear. It's good to remember that ultimately, parents are responsible for their kids' education, whether public, private, or at home.

Another:

I wanted to say thank you for your honest and thoughtful words. After a year's worth of first grade homework, I know I could not homeschool. No patience or experience in teaching reading, even if I teach literature . . . I wanted to tell my youngest "But you just read that word on the ... last page. Don't you know what it is yet?!" Thank goodness for elementary, and middle, and high school teachers! They have the hardest job in the world.

Someone else:

You know what's so funny about this- the reason you want to send your kids to school is the exact reason I don't want to- I feel like at school, my education was very one-sided. I had great English/Grammar teachers, and I did very well in that subject (and math too). But, I did not understand science from the beginning and never learned to love ... Read More much of history. The teachers just never really made me love it. I want to make sure I am the one choosing the curriculum so that it fits their individual learning styles and so that honestly it can be fun for them. Learning should be fun. And, if they have an interest in music, sports, or whatever, then we can give attention to those areas, without wasting time doing a bunch of stuff they don't enjoy. Anyway, views are funny, and I just love that you and your husband are on the same page. That is huge, and your kids will do great simply because of that!!! My husband and I really agree on our choice as well and that gives me the support I need!

Lastly:

My kids have been to public, private and home school. When we home schooled, we didn't attempt to do "school" at home; in other words, not a lot of specific curriculum, etc. (I could probably write a book on that.) I have a feeling that because you're such a good mom (you obviously love your... Read More boys and are already thinking about what will be best for them), you're bound to rethink this year by year. It may be that public school is perfect for one or two and home schooling will be perfect for one or two. Keep an open mind as they grow older. Our youngest is back at private Christian school and loves it. Our oldest ultimately decided too much busy work, not enough real-life learning was what school was about. He thinks "school" is fake learning. Ultimately, God, His Holy Spirit can guide you into what is best for the boys, including education, activities, travel, etc. You don't need a public school for all that. :)

P.S. (From one more reader)

Well I was home schooled from 7-12 grade, part time we were required to take at least classes at a local Christian school, which was good, but the homeschooling was good too. My mom made sure we had interaction with kids other than just siblings. And for my senior year, I still was home schooled, but also took GED courses at the community college and got my GED. It helps if you are able to get involved in either a home school association or home school co-op too. I am glad that I was home schooled. I would not have survived public school.

Ok, only one more post by me on this topic, then it is back to the fun and creative!

Part Two of Homeschooling: Assessing Your Child's Needs

As a parent, I am allowed to re-evaluate any choices I make for my children, and hopefully I'm not too proud to change course. I have done this with many things already: the one that comes to mind right now is potty training. (That update will be a separate and coming blog post.)

As a teacher I was constantly assessing my students' needs and adapting lesson plans to fit their learning styles and levels of understanding. (Teachers who teach well and design their lessons well never teach to the middle of the class learning curve, never just to the top, never to the lowest student. Yes, it is totally possible to differentiate instruction and keep all students engaged and learning. It is an art form. Some teachers learn this and some come by it naturally, but all teachers are trained this way. This is what it means to be a teacher in our current school climate.)

I do this as a parent: each one of my children is different. What worked for one in areas of discipline has had to be tweaked a bit with the other. I see differences also in how they transition and adapt to new situations, how they feel loved and show love.

My husband and I feel very passionate about being part of our living community, and we desire to do that by sending our children to public school, but there are a few people I can think of that I admire and understand their choice to homeschool.

1. I have reconnected with a childhood friend who has made the choice to school her children at home. She seems to be a very self-motivated person, with appropriate goals for her children, but the thing that really seals-the-deal for me is that this last year her husband had to go back to Georgia for further military training before deploying to Iraq. Homeschool fit this cross-country move and experience. They were able to move and not be pulled out of a classroom and then plugged into another one. Homeschooling gave them the freedom to explore their new surroundings and learn the history of the East Coast. If this were my situation, I would have done the same.

2. My cousin and his wife have homeschooled all their children. Their oldest is graduating this year and their youngest is still in grade school. The benefit I see from their choice is that this has allowed them, as a family, to do ministry in very unique ways. For one, they show God's love to a marginalized group in our society, the elderly. I love this family and always enjoy my time with them.

3. I also admire a woman who saw that her sons were not thriving in the private school they were attending. After doing research she decided to homeschool. I didn't keep up with the entire process, but it seems that after a year of homsechooling they decided that the oldest really did need/want to be in a more traditional school setting, and so they chose to send him to another Christian school that fit him and his learning/social needs. It seems that this is an excellent fit, and they are happy with their decision. Their younger son chose to continue homsechooling. I admire her for assessing her boys' needs and choosing accordingly.

4. Another mom who has chosen to teach her children in this manner is someone who was a middle school teacher, an excellent one. She still believes in public education, but her oldest had learning needs that were not being met in a regular classroom. She is the first to admit that she's exhausted and that to homeschool correctly it has to completely overtake your lives. It becomes your life, is your life, and you as a mother are tired. These were her words summarized. She still does it because she sees that it is working with her family.

Good parents make decisions they feel will be good for their children.

However, I feel like I see a growing trend with Christians who are making a blanket decision to homeschool without really evaluating their children and even themselves. Not every parent makes a good teacher.

My mom is and was an excellent teacher. She began teaching the year Kennedy was shot and ended her career as a 2nd grade teacher the year of 9/11. She was expert. She should have been nationally recognized. :) She was my inspiration, and every child left her room a better person and student. But there is no way she should have been my teacher. One summer we tried to do a little tutoring and it was a huge failure. Our personalities clashed, and that was the end of it.

Also, if my parents had homeschooled us we would have had a rich understanding of history and some of the basics, but would have "graduated" with little or no math /science skills.

This is why I am a fan of the traditional school model. It has teachers who are experts in their area teaching that area/subject to my child. They are passing on a love of science that might not be present in the home.

If I had never gone to school I would have never learned to enjoy athletics. This was not something my family celebrated. I am a better, more rounded person for having other authorities in my life, seeing gifts in me and encouraging me to try and explore them.

So, even though I see families who homsechool and do an adequate and sometimes necessary job, I am still not persuaded. I still want a different life for my kids and a different outcome that is missed when school is done in the home setting.

Keep the thoughts and comments coming, and be gracious with me if I ever change my mind on this topic. :)

The Debate---Part One: Philosophy

I often find myself feeding the conversation with questions. I ask. I listen. They never ask. They might listen. I leave, and I am even more resolved that I will not homeschool my kids, at least for starters. (I give myself permission as a parent to always change my mind when it seems that it will be best for my children, my family.)

The homeschool rage is more of a Christian cultural movement. You'll have to excuse me for any stereotypes embraced by this verbal process against this choice for my family. The other day at my 4-month-old's appointment the Dr. found out that I stay home, breast feed, and plan on doing so for a year. Oh, and I knew the word spelunking. I guess that is way he asked, "So, do you homeschool." I looked at him and said, "No!"

A friend reminded me that I was homeschooling my oldest. I don't count preschool as homeschool especially when he was 3 when the school year began.

I am constantly running in to homeschool blogs and support groups for mom's who choose to teach their children outside of traditional institutions. But, where is the network for those moms and dads who CHOOSE to send their kids to public school? Or even a private school? This is a choice. This is a conscious choice.

As a parent I do not want to keep my children in any sort of bubble. My home is my child's safe place and place of comfort. It is a place of dialogue. It is already happening. They are already learning that the world is not a place where everyone thinks, believes and acts the same as we do. We've already learned a few new words at other houses that we don't use in our home, and that is OK. They learned the new word. They tried it out. They received the consequence. Now they know. They don't use the word. They know it exists. They aren't afraid of it. They are choosing to be different.

An older adult friend was having a crises of faith and asked me, "When did you learn that the world wasn't a good place."

"I guess I always knew this." If you read the Bible you know this. Read the Old Testament: flood, Philistines, Prophets of Bael....the list goes on, even in to the New Testament with Herod and his massacre of baby boys.

I don't want my children to be devastated when they discover that we've been sheltering them from reality.

I want my children to be equipped to see various ways of living and to choose the best way to live their lives. The world teaches this well. There are natural consequences for poor choices. My sons openly talk to me about what they see. They ask why, a lot. I am their parent. They trust me. I see this trusting relationship evolving as they continue on their educational path.

Is my plan flawless? No. Could it backfire? Yes. But, God never called us to raise perfect children. He calls me to raise my children into the Light. He is a relational God who wants relationships with his creation. That is my call as a parent, to guide them into this loving relationship. This is what I'm doing.

I don't always like what they learn and see in the world, but this is where we live. This is our culture. This is how we live a missional life. Christ didn't call his disciples and then build a house for them all to live and learn in. He went, called, and sent out. He lived and interacted. He is our example.

I'm sure there are many flaws in my theory here. I'm sure there are readers who disagree strongly with me and fear for my children. But, fear only cripples action. After I had my first I was consumed by fear. I now had someone in my life that I loved; if anything bad happened to them I would be forever altered. I could choose to hold on even tighter, or I could return them to the care of God. Each night as I rock my new baby to sleep I look into his eyes and think, "He is yours God. Not mine. Remind me of this when bad things happen to him. May I release my need to control, but give me wisdom to guide and grow him into the Light."

This is my goal as a parent, not to get them ready to be adults, but to help them live now. We are to live now and be now, not just get ready to be 18 years old... when we are adults and can all of a sudden totally handle the bubble bursting. Our missional lives begin from birth.

This is the philosophy behind my choice. Next I'll discuss the reason I'm choosing institutional school for academic reasons. Remember, I was a passionate and excellent middle school teacher in the public schools before I became a parent, and I actually think I would be a good homeschooling mom, however, I think the institutional school is better....for a number of reasons.

I'd love to hear your reactions. I'm taking quite a risk, since I am feeling more and more like a minority in my opinion in this schooling debate.

I guess I was inspired to write this today after I had a conversation with a mom who sends her kids to public school and said, "I just sometimes feel like I'm making the less holy choice by not homeschooling. That is how moms who homeschool make me feel." That might not be the intention, but that is definitely the feeling many get.

Oh, and I will also be processing the positives of homeschool, highlighting those that I think are doing a good job of it and for the right reasons. So, come along on my journey. Maybe we can learn and grow from this.

It will be interesting. There are huge groups of "graduating" homeschoolers coming of age now. I wonder what impact that will have on our communities, if any.